life of G A M E S

Happens to me all the time and being a uni makes no difference in fact I think it may have made it worse. Its that time of the month where all the baggage iv managed to tape in a box and push to the back of my mind is finely overflowing. Well ill start with some of the problems im having. One is the course im studying. I like aspects of the course well I like it all really. But its just some of then that leave me thinking wtf did just happen. Like pattern cutting. Back at college I always managed to do that I didn’t like it but I did it. Here its way harder. I had to make my own block then I have to do drafts and patterns and all these have to be done at home not in class. The teacher doesn’t help that much she tries but she doesn’t. If she had sat down and shown us what to do then I would have got it but she doesn’t so it just leaves me thinking what the hell happened. However I will manage with it. I just gotta figure out what it is im needed to do. Then there is Textiles Materials, oh my roy, its ridiculous. The teacher is German so I cant really understand what he says, he talks quite so that makes it even harder. He is wanting us to make Yarn…… yes yarn……..i know yarn…….wtf.

Then well theirs my active life behind Uni. Iv had about what 5 days off now from going out with friends and stuff. Its not good. Then well theirs my ties with relationships. Yes people Luke is having them problems here. Iv come to the conclusion that I really am just a head fuck. People keep falling for me and wanting a long term thing and I cant give that, lots of reason why and iv possibly talked about them before in my wonderful blog of life. Im also too nice for my own good, I cant say no. I hate having to make people upset yet I keep on doing it, I had to dragged away one night because I couldn’t say no to going to Mosh with some one, which would have ended badly if I did.

I would have thought gay people would more up for fun but that’s not what im finding here. Their clingy, needy, sloppy and its like wth, the when they ask what do you want all I can say is I don’t know. Because I don’t, my mind doesn’t work like other peoples I almost never know what I want, I think you have to be in complete trust and liking for your self before you can really now what you want in life and I haven’t got there yet. Gutted much.